Saturday, September 30, 2006

someday, but not today






In Tall Buildings
By John Hartford, 1976

Someday, baby, when I am a man,
and other's have taught me
the best that they can
they'll sell me a suit
and cut off my hair
and send me to work in tall buildings

and it's goodbye to the sunshine
goodbye to the dew
goodbye to the flowers
and goodbye to you
I'm off to the subway
I must not be late
going to work in tall buildings

now when I retire
and my life is my own
I made all the payments
it's time to go home
and wonder what happened
betwixt and between
when I went to work in tall buildings

and it's goodbye to the sunshine
goodbye to the dew
goodbye to the flowers
and goodbye to you
I'm off to the subway
I mustn't be late
going to work in tall buildings

railroad earth







we met up with Jud for the Railroad Earth show, it was great. Little 5 Points in Atlanta is a really neat part of town, I never knew it existed. The show was terrific. Railroad Earth is the kind of band that still hangs out in the lobby before their shows. Mollie almost asked them...

the second encore was Railroad Earth, the song I posted the day before.

*

Skippin in the Mississippi Dew
John Hartford

Well I dream of a girl and a stern wheel steamboat
A pilothouse stove and engine room brass
Hanging on a post by the maindeck stairway
Long hair skippin in the Mississippi dew

Oh the river run wide, run deep, run muddy
The river run long after I am gone
With the steamboat wheeling on a big wide bend
Just skippin in the Mississippi Dew

Well I went up the river come way last Sunday
Twelve feet of water on the Memphis gage
Wouldn't be home without the muddy water rolling
Paddle wheel skippin in the Mississippi dew

Oh the river run wide, run deep, run muddy
Oh the river run long after I am gone
With the steamboat wheelin on a big wide bend
Just skippin in the Mississippi Dew

Now it used to be Spring I'd ship on the river
Thirty five days on a balla [sic] line boat
I'd make a little money, get a springtime chicken
And take off a skippin in the Mississippi Dew

Oh the river run wide, run deep, run muddy
Oh the river run long after I am gone
With the steam boat wheelin round a big wide bend
Just skippin in the Mississippi dew

Friday, September 29, 2006

turkey-lurkey-do






do the turkey scramble!
*
I don’t need anything other than what I have in my head already, to get where I want to be.

visitors



I guess the joke was on me. When I woke up this morning Grandma asked if I had let our visitor in lat night. “Huh?” I asked her.
“When I woke up this mornin’ the cat was inside-“
“Wait- Meadow was inside the house?”
“Sure was, he was runnin’ away from me like he knew where to go too. I saw right quick wasn’t no way I was gonna catch up with him so I proper the door open with that big chair and ‘Shoo! Shoo’d!’ him out. I thought he might be hungry and I didn’t know what was in the fridge, but I found some pasta or somethin’ and put it out there next to the porch for him.”
Well I don’t know how Meadow go tin the house, but I’m sure he did. He’s taken to posting up on the chair on the front porch and the screen door, when you just let it shut by itself, slows down a bit before it actually comes to a close. As much as he’s been out there watching that door open and close I bet Meadow had the timing down no problem. While I was watching the possum Posssum! POSSSUM! scavange for his food Meadow was creeping into the house under the cover of darkness. Smart pussy.
Grandma got a good kick out of it. “I don’t suppose he left a mess anywhere or we’d find it.”
“Good thing he didn’t find the fishbowl!” I joked with her.
“Shoot that’s right!” Grandma exclaimed. “He hadn’t ruined his friendship with me yet, but if he’da gotten at our fish he sure mighta!”
So the good news is the cat and Grandma are still friends, good friends I think. And so are the fish.

*

I also noticed they started cutting the hay today. This’ll be the third and final cutting for the season and it looks like it’s going to be a good one. They fertilized the fields after the last cutting and it’s grown up a lot. What with the rain followed by gorgeous sunny days this past month it’s been ideal for the hay to grow. The weather today couldn’t be better, and if they’re cutting it today it means they’re expecting at least a few days of sun on the way.

*

I’m heading to Atlanta for a Railroad Earth show tonight, then I’ll be back tomorrow, then the roast is on. The pig roast that is…

railroad earth

through this railroad earth
for whatever it’s worth
singin’ songs & stayin’ high

& you know i’ll be
where my heart feels free
& my thoughts are free to fly

oh mama, please don’t make me lie
i need my freedom, need my open sky

in yer socks & shirt & yer bed of dirt
with the midnight moon on high
& you know i’ve been
where the midnight wind
makes the soul & spirit cry

oh mama, please don’t ask me why
i need my freedom
i need my open sky

through this railroad earth
for whatever it’s worth
gettin’ ‘ long & gettin’ by
& you know i miss
every single kiss
as the years go rollin’ by

oh mama, aint it good to be alive
when you’re mountain-top
& feelin’ high

oh mama, aint it good to be alive
when you’re down & rollin’
free to ride

oh mama, please don’t make me lie

Thursday, September 28, 2006

dr. chen


Take Grandma to the beauty at 8am on Thursdays, breakfast at Paw Paw’s while I wait, post office and bank on the way home. It’s my Thursday routine these days, I like it. I’m a regular at Paw-Paw’s Thursday mornings, along with the Sheriff and all the other “men” of the city. When Grandma thinks about Paw-Paw’s she remembers how when her and Pop used to go in there to eat all the ”men” would be sitting on one side of the room at a table, and she would always ask, “Frank, you want to go sit with the men?” He said he’d rather eat with her, every time. Now that I go there to eat for breakfast and see the table with all the men that old story means something totally different. To be honest, I would much rather sit and eat with Grandma any day than sit at that overweight table of city “men.” Pop was no fool. Now it’s not just a story anymore.
In the bank today Pop’s Sunday School teacher came in and stopped by to say hello to Grandma, then turns to me and says, “Now you’re the one who wrote the article in the Reporter, right?”
“Yes sir.”
“Sure did like that. My wife and I even saved it, and we don’t save much.”
Hard to know how to take comments like that, but it feels good inside. It feels good in a really good way, like I’m a metaphysical limb of Pop extending beyond the grave or something, still reminding people, “Character Does Count!”
The weather this week couldn’t have been better. Crystal clear and sunny during the day with steady breezes all the way through. At night it gets chilly but it still stays crystal clear and the stars almost seem to pop out at you (no pun intended, maybe.)
Life is good here on the farm. Dave stops by for some porch time ‘bout twice a week and I am amazed each time by how much he knows about this place. Brooks is getting into chickens, wants to start an organic chicken farm out here so he’s ordered all the books and done all the research he can. This approach, Brooks’ favorite, is a good one. It reminds me of the way mom started studying cancer when Dad was diagnosed, or how she got back into it making sure the company was sold properly, the way Dad would have wanted it to, there again she learned it all on the fly, in the middle of it. Brooks, I guess, is lining up hit shot. More like bowling perhaps. It is one way to acquire knowledge about how to do something concrete, prepare prepare prepare and then put into action next spring it sounds like. I’m excited to help whenever, it’s all a part of it. I think that’s what it’s about though, taking the Longview. There’s an art to the long view, the farmer’s view, the vision that knows where to plant a tree not just so that it will look good now, but how it’ll look in thirty years. Everyday I walk around and admire Pop’s placement of trees. He’s encoded himself unwittingly into the land itself. Dave gets a kick out of the idea that someone would read a book about raising chickens. For him it’s just something you do. He can’t really tell you where he learned how to raise chickens, or how corn and peas are good to plant in the low parts, he just knows.
“See corn takes alota water, an’ peas don’t take much at‘ll, so youc’n plant ‘em right next to each other over there in the low field and they’ll do just fine. Too much water and the peas are all just vines, no peas.”
There is one sort of knowledge that comes from books (The metaphorical Book form of knowledge is being referenced here too,) and there is another sort of knowledge that comes from experience. The “Arts and Crafts” approach I’l explain in the book. You do it once, you see how it goes, you adjust a little and do it again, starting all over from scratch with the quality of your first expiernce and your good sense and your creativity most importantly to guide you.
The value of Dave’s experience is somewhat priceless I suppose, and to him it ain’t nothing but what you do. He can tell you how many years it’ll take to get a good cutting if you plant pine trees, how to kill the Johnson grass with a “poisonous rag on the front of your tractor that’ll kill just the Johnson grass right down to the root when you drive over it,” in case you wanted to get the fields super heady again, or how to build a place where you can board horses and make a living doing it, if you wanted. His only warning about chickens, and it’s a good one, is that “you gonna wake up one morning, step out here in the morning barefoot to get your paper and step down these steps and SPLAT! You gonna step in chicken poop, cause they poop wherever they eat and all over the place.” Grandma was sitting out there too and heard this and I think it piqued her a little bit. Hadn’t thought about that. Then I had the image of chickens running around the farm everywhere and it was very funny, very funny to me.
There’s a wonderful interdependency between Dave and I. I think we both feed off what comes naturally to the other. These sorts of relationships are the one’s I’m fondest of, and I am thankful we have good folks like Dave around here chock full of experience. In some ways he knows more about this place than any of us because when the boys went off to school Dave was still around helping Pop out when he needed it. He can tell you when the fields were planted, fertilized, transplanted, anything you can think of that went on around here he knows about it. I mentioned I found some picture of snow on the farm and he remembers it exactly. Even remembers how Pop had the gas heaters running because the power was out for seven days, and there were only three vehicles that could drive in the whole valley because the snow was so high.
I’ve learned you can’t rush flushing out these sorts of stories from Dave, or Grandma, or anyone else around here. You can poke a little here and there but you can’t rush it. When they do come out you appreciate them better and they seem to tie into some sort of perfect timing unfolding behind the scenes of mere chance.

*

Grandma’s in there watching the Auburn game. She’s more of a football fan than I am it seems. She loves a good ballgame, and Tiger Woods when he’s playing, and the Braves when they’re on. To think, Grandma has a team and I don’t. I always told you she’s cooler than me. I’ve got a team, except it’s a band, and I could tell you about it…

*
I just went on my nightly stroll down the driveway to take note of where the moon is in the sky and take the time to take notice which stars pop out the most each night. There’s a motion sensor light in the back garage, the garage where we keep the food that we feed Meadow, the stray cat that showed up about the time Pop was getting sick and has stayed around ever sense. We’ve been noticing that the food has been getting thrashed, the bag’s been ripped open, and clearly something other than poor little Meadow has been eating the enormous amount of cat food that’s gone missing.
As I was walking outside tonight I noticed the light was one, so I magically deduced that something was over there moving, and so I looked…and there it was. POSSSUM POSSUM POSSSUM, POSSSUM! I was at a distance so he didn’t notice me but with the light on I could see him slowly waddling into the garage, disappearing through the cracks of Mollie’s Chester drawers she’s storing out there. I waited for a moment, heard some rustling around, some turning over of objects, and I laughed to myself. We decided to put the food on the top of the Chester drawers so now I’m not sure if a possum, POSSSUM! POSSSUM! could reach it. I guess we’ll have to wait and see in the morning.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

timention


Terrible or not, difficult or not, the only thing that is beautiful, noble, religious, and mystical is to be happy. –Arnaud Desjardins

Timing is such a funny thing. The universe and time. Me and the universe. Me and time. Timing. Your sense of time. My sense of time. You and I. You. I. Are these separate systems or different locations? Different perspectives? When they meet, are they independents meeting, or are they interdependents meeting in a play? Hard to control, to dissect, to understand all the things that come along with these meetings. I can follow my heart, my head, my head, or flip a coin. I turn to my sense underneath it all I imagine. It gets the final say. I say it gets the final say. That’s all I can do. How can I know? It’s all I can say. Run with it. I’m going to run with it.

madness








You’ve got to be a little mad in life. You’ve got to be a little mad or it isn’t worth it. Madness is a pace of existence, a choice of perception, a cosmic attitude towards form. If you’re not a little mad about it, you’re not really awake. Not that any of us are awake- or most of us- or many of us. Sanity tends towards stagnation when it sits for too long. Madness for your day gets you through the down beats, gets you ready and primed for the upbeats, and makes you sit right steady in the middle of it for the melody. Some of the sanest people I know are maddest cats I’ve seen. The system is as system does, the symptoms are a different story. Don’t ever stop getting riled up about something. Keep your integrity and get as crazy as you can

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Love never faileth: whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tounges, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. - 1 Corinthians 13:8



can someone tell me what this means? please, someone tell me.

grandma found this tucked away in her closet the other day. it's so fitting.

bozo tribute








happy 26 everybody. here's to the bozo's that showed me the magic of the Two Six.

Monday, September 25, 2006

india smiles


Got a new photo of Mahantesh today with his “Progress Report” and they also told me he has a bass voice and does well at Social Studies. Of course! Mahantesh, you’re the man. The best part about all of this though is that if you look at the new photo he’s almost smiling! That’s the only progress report I need.

grass maintenance




Success!

Sunday, September 24, 2006



in another time's forgotten space...

+
Here's the setlist to the String Cheese Show at Stubb's I saw in Austin. It was Billy's birthday, 'I am a pilgrim" Billy solo and first time played

Intro
Way Back Home
Sittin' On Top Of The World
Pack it Up
It Is What It Is
Rhum 'N Zouc
DISC TWO
Magic Carpet Ride
Rivertrance
Missin' Me
Outside And Inside

ENCORE
I Am A Pilgrim
On The Road
Way Back Home

+

I am A Pilgrim
Johnny Cash

I am a pilgrim and a stranger
Traveling through this wearisome land
And I've got a home in that yonder city, good Lord
And it's not (good Lordy it's not) not made by hand

I got a mother, a sister and a brother
Who have gone to that sweet home
And I am determined to go and see them, good Lord
Over on (good Lordy over on) that distant shore

As I go down to that river Jordan
Just to bathe my weary soul
If I could touch but just the hem of His garment, good Lord
I believe (good Lordy I believe) that it would make me whole

Now when I'm dead, laying in my coffin
All of my friends all gather round
They can say that he's just laying there sleeping, good Lord
Sweet peace (Lordy sweet peace) his soul is found

sunday blessed sunday




I had the joy of attending Sunday school with Grandma this morning, and this time I really mean Grandma’s Sunday school class. They said it was the first time they’d had a male visitor in as long as they could remember but they assured me I was welcome back any time.
It was rewarding to see the way these women, committed to a single religion for years and years and years, still get together and thrive on finding fresh ways to be good, outgoing Christians. It’s difficult for me to participate so to speak because of all the context I place the bible in because these women are sweet and simple and they take it at its word. Old and New Testament alike, it’s all God’s word. They don’t worry about inconsistencies, or that the nature of God in the Old Testament is utterly different than the new, and so when today’s topic is obedience to God its hard for me to really communicate what I believe without contextualizing it with a lot of historical and critical background on the bible. And yet, I thoroughly enjoyed it, and being with Grandma truly does make it a spiritual experience for me, its just different than other’s experience is all.

After church I bumped into Emily Rayburn, our neighbor here at Nell’s house, and spoke with her for a minute about being in Grandma’s class. Iva Bell, the lady who taught Grandma’s class, is well known around these parts for being very well read when it comes to scripture and the giving of herself. Mrs. Rayburn told me how she had meant and taught so much to Rick Mcdow back in the day. Rick Mcdow I know as one of Dad’s best friends growing up here in Columbiana. Grandma has told me how when the twins came to town they put Conrad with Lloyd and Rick with Dad and that was just sort of how it was. I also know about Rick because he was a POW in Vietnam for three years and then eventually released. Mrs. Rayburn told me how when Rick got back and told his story of survival it was the verses and teachings of the bible he remembered Iva Bell teaching him that got him through those long hard three years. Rick even shared what he knew with his fellow prisoners and it got them through.
Stories like this make me pause to notice where I learn the things that get me through hard times. Here I am in the same church, with the same Sunday school teacher my father and his friends probably had, thinking about the nature of the same God that’s been present all along. Actually attending Grandma’s class I got to meet the core lady elder’s of the church and wouldn’t you know it almost all them kept telling me how they had either a son or a daughter in either mom or dad’s class in school here.
As I was talking to Mrs. Rayburn another lady from the choir came up and asked me, “Do you sing?”
“Well, um, I sing to myself when I’m sad, does that count?”
She followed quickly with, “how bout you join the choir?”
“Well see if I knew where I was going to be I might think that’s a good idea but I’m sort of living day to ay and week to week right now. I don’t think I could give you the commitment you require…” I rambled off trying to parry the offer.
“Well soon as you get settled we’d love to have ya.”
“You got it.”


Grandma and I went out to lunch at the Golden Rule after and had BBQ and fried pickles and good conversation. On the way home, coming over the mountain, almost back to the farm, a black Mustang literally came over the hill, oncoming, and drifted right into our lane just as we were cresting the hill and didn’t seem to even notice it was headed straight into us. Before I could really even register what was happening I jerked the wheel to the right and swerved off the road to barely miss a head on collision and then swerved back onto the road right away to avoid running into the ditch that runs alongside the road, all with Grandma right in the front seat. Thank God we were ok, it could have been a lot worse. I had this flashback to when my car skidded out on the ice in Utah and the same thing happened except I couldn’t turn or do anything that time. I just watched it happen as we ran headfirst into Lea Thompson on a mountain pass. This time I watched it happened and then I watched myself pull some unconscious Nascar moves without really thinking about what I was doing. My self has cycled through all sorts of emotional responses towards the phantom other car I’ll probably never see again, or maybe I will, but what’s it matter? I was angry and wanted to turn around and track the car down just to yell at him/her and tell them what an idiot they were and what the hell was he thinking not paying attention on a two lane mountain road and driving straight into the oncoming lane and not even trying to correct himself. That was my child self and I recognized that pretty quickly and let it go. I was mostly just grateful Grandma and I were ok and thought about how that was way too close of a call. I thought about how happy I was I’d gone to church this morning and then I wondered if that was a silly thing to think. My heart was pounding and I was elated we that we hadn’t crashed and yet at the same time knew it was a miracle we didn’t. I thought back over my perfect swerve and realized I had done it almost unconsciously. The thought I remember going through my head was to honk at the other car as I saw it heading straight for us. Thank god I didn’t waste my time doing that. I just swerved. Someone grabbed the wheel just at the right moment, automatically almost, and swerved giving Grandma and I both a big jolt. Grandma kept saying that’s why she decided it wasn’t best for her to drive anymore. In a way it sort of validated her decision to stop driving to herself I could tell, and I suppose that might be a positive result of this almost accident as far as her peace of mind goes.
“That’s exactly why I figured before something like that happens I might as well just stop driving. No need runnin’ that risk,” she said.

At dinner last night two of my new friends asked me to list three things that annoy me and I couldn’t come up with a single one. “I don’t like to give other people the power to ruin my inner tranquility,” I told them. “If I’m annoyed by something I’m projecting some part of myself I need to work on more than likely. I guess if there’s one thing I don’t like its people who are fake and disingenuous. People who are trying to be something they’re not annoy me I guess.” Now here I am with a loaded emotional palate directed at this anonymous black mustang that almost just crashed straight into grandma and I and I don’t know what to do with it. I decided to simply count my blessings, pray for that driver, and move on with life as if nothing happened. Close calls are so powerful and yet, they don’t actually destroy anything. What close calls do is zap you into perspective that things like this could happen anytime anywhere no matter how much you try to prepare. The best defense you have is constant alertness, what a great super power that would be right?
I spent some time over at Nell’s this afternoon and when I came back Grandma was sitting in the chair looking out the picture window and I could tell it was on her mind but she didn’t mention it. We talked about other stuff for a bit and then she said,
“Now Cole you’re not still thinking about what happened in the car earlier are you? I’d hate to think you were upset about that. I mean I can sit here and think about what could have happened forever and its not gonna change anything so I figure its probably better just to count our blessings and move on.”
“I think you’re totally right Grandma. I thought about it from every angle and then I decided the only thing to get from it is to be thankful for our protection from the other side and realize that we’re blessed.”
“You know sometimes He does that. He just takes control when He needs to and keeps us safe. That’s happened more than once to us in all these years I think,” she said and did her humble shrug.
“You don’t have to think so when these things happened. It really just happened. It’s not a belief when it becomes a reality,” I sort of thought out loud and got a great big grin on my face while Grandma just kept nodding and shrugging.
So guys, I’m not supposed to have told you about this because we decided the best thing to do was not to talk about anymore so we didn’t dwell and worry on what could have happened. That means you can’t ask grandma about it see? If you do she’ll know I told you. Just wait and see if she brings it up maybe, but then again, we have no secrets.


I was driving around the farm on the EZGO later this evening and came up to that lake from the back, over by Gibson’s house, and as I was coming through the patch of woods right there I startled up a deer from somewhere and it took off running in front of me. WE don’t quite have the EZGO juiced up to deer speed but I did my best to pursue. The neat thing was that the deer had nowhere to run really but out into the field and so I got to watch it run full speed toward the bridge. It made it to the other side of the field and I parked on the edge of the trees on the side of the field I was on, and then he stopped. He (maybe she) stopped and we stared at each other for a moment, and then he turned and took off running again back into the woods.
I thanked the farm for my deer encounter right then and there. This place is incredible. There’s so much going on beyond the human realm and all you have to do is go around and observe things. Nature explains itself at the same time that it inspires itself.
Is this a sign I should go back to Deer Valley?
(Just kidding.)


Grandma Talk:

We were eating some of the Risotto that the executive chef at Brooks’ restaurant made especially for Grandma last night, and she wasn’t even there. I stopped by after my day at the fair with some new friends and the chef just walked over and bagged it up for us to take home no questions asked.
“I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for your Grandmother. She is the coolest lady,” he was explaining to my friends MaryBeth and Mandy.
So anyways we were eating and I asked her how the two big trees outside the window had always been there.
“These two? Oh nooo. When we first moved here somehow, and I’m not sure who, but people round town referred to this place as ‘Four Oaks’ or they would say they were “going to the four oaks,” or something like that because there was. There were four oaks up here. Two over there and two here. But you see during the storm they were flattened altogether. After that’s when these got planted and it sure is nice to have ‘em finally full grown and all.”
The storm she’s talking about I gathered is the one I’ve heard about and it wasn’t a storm it was a tornado. As the story goes I guess a good number of people had come out to the farm to hide in bathtubs and cellars and whatnot to get away from the storm and so the driveway was full of cars. The tornado came through and everyone was hiding except. I’ve had this moment described to me before I’m sure. Everyone’s taking cover except Pop whose standing there in the picture glass window staring the tornado down as it came right up to the house, literally, and took out two of the famous big oak trees and then literally hoped over the house and didn’t touch it. What makes this story incredible is if you see a picture of where the trees where that got smashed. They are literally right next to the house and they were utterly “flattened” was the word she used, but the house went untouched.
The way I see it Pop stared down a tornado and won so the tornado admitted defeat and left his house alone. Pop really did have the sort of power I think. As Grandma finished retelling that part of the story I said, “It’s just one of those things, kind of like in the car today. Lord’s just looking out for us sometimes.”
Grandma has this sort of hunch she does whenever she recognizes something profound about herself but it too humble to really claim it or anything so she does this, “Mmmmhmmm, guess so…” and shrugs her shoulders. It’s so cute.
Grandma followed up remembering the story about when the man from the power company came out after that and mentioned to Frank, “Weren’t there a couple really big trees over there last time we were here?”
“Sure were,” (imagine Grandma here doing a Frank voice impersonation as she’s telling the story) “Storm came through and SQUASHED it straight down into the ground!” Grandma says with a squashing hand motion as she laughs remembering the look on the poor boy’s face after Pop said that. We had a great laugh and I remembered how damn funny Pop was.
Later Grandma came to the back room to get me and point out the super pink, super beautiful sunset that was happening. She didn’t want me to miss it and we shared a moment of awe for nature.

new friends, with and without gills





Now that we’ve got a goldfish bowl with her fish in it in the kitchen Grandma enjoys spending time watching the fish swim around. It’s a very lively fish, moves around a lot, a pleasure, really. I heard her make the comment the other day, “You know, he looks kinda lonely in there all by ‘imself.”
Well yesterday was the last day of the fair and it just so happened that I met a new friend on the airplane coming back from Dallas on Monday who was already planning to go to the fair on Saturday. I took the opportunity and not only met up with MaryBeth and her friend Mandy and MaryBeth’s sister, brother-in-law, niece, and their couple friends with their little boy who’s MaryBeth’s niece’s, boyfriend. Did I get it? Are you confused? Lily, the niece, is three. So not only that but I also got to use their expertise to win Grandma’s fish some companions. I still couldn’t make one in but MaryBeth and Mandy each made one and they both wanted to donate their winnings to the fish companion cause I was running.
So now we’ve got three fish from three different people. Grandma was so appreciative and wanted to be sure I reemphasized how gracious she was for MaryBeth and Mandy to donate their fish like that. So here, I’m reemphasizing it, Grandma says thanks a lot girls. It really is more than just a fish to her, she’s just that sweet.

I actually forgot my camera at the fair so these photos are thanks to MaryBeth. It rained for a few minutes but after it passed the most perfect, whole rainbow I’ve ever seen stretched all the way across Columbiana. (Where da gold at?)

hop, hop, hop it like a toad!



I think what we’ve got here is a burgeoning (I think this is the word I want) series artist. Most of you probably can’t understand how cool what your seeing in that picture is, as if the tree frog flair for my crocs that my cousin Spencer sent me isn’t cool enough, look at the second installment in his “Cole and Spencer” series! The first issue is actually our game plan for attacking the red ants on the farm with water guns so we can protect Pop, but this next one has brought us even one step closer. Now we’re BOTH yellow with more magic fingers than we know what to do with.
Spencer, thanks so much for thinking about me. I’ve been wearing my flair loud and proud. I have a bit of connection to frogs in case you didn’t know. Mom always embodied Dad as her frog prince, and your Grandpa Lloyd will remember the frog that was on the power line that night after my Dad’s service back at the farm. Geoff tried to stand on the chair on the picnic table and get the frog down- until he remembered frogs drink water all day just in case someone tries to pick them up…
We’ll miss all you Maine folk come Thanksgiving, but we’ll be thinking about you. Thanks again for thinking about me. Can’t wait for the next installment. As you know I have some artist friends, maybe you all could get together, open a gallery up down here, eh? Possibilities are endless…

Saturday, September 23, 2006

hunt for heady people



Sometimes, somewhere along the way I meet people who inspire me to want to communicate with them because there is some part of myself I want to get to know better and these people, these very special people, they magnetize hidden parts of myself and pull me out and towards them. They impassion me to poke and pull and massage the meeting of our selves just to see what comes out, because if it’s special, its all vibrating very high. I know myself by what I spill to others, especially by what I spill to those special people who inspire me to communicate my experience with them. How I learn the most, however, is by listening to them. That’s the way I really get off. That’s the secret, that’s what I’m really looking for- heady heady people to listen to.
It takes a particularly heady person to make me want to sit and listen to them seeing as how I’m rather heady myself if I do say so myself, and I have to, say so myself that is. I’m one of the headiest people I’ve met (I’ve been trained to say that), but I’m always looking and hoping to find those people that are even headier than me, and when I do, I want to just sit and listen. Ask and poke and awe of course, it takes two to tango, but there’s a difference when you’re the one listening. It’s so nice and calm, no pressure, just be the sponge. Of course the rub is that you always have to be true to your highest self, your headiest self if you will, and when you find the people you want to listen to you’ve got to make sure you want to listen to them when you are your highest, headiest self. Your integrity is everything, you are your own eternal judge, there’s a thin line beyond which you really cannot fake, so I must be true to myself, and your self, your heady heady self.

This is the nondual Self saying hello to you, the I of us.

portals into the formless


When it happens, whenever that is, whatever it is, it’s going to begin in a moment similar to this one. I will be in my body, sensing things, juggling worries and joys, head on a swivel and hopefully a smile on my face, but when it happens- well, when it happens…
What’s the catalyst? Will I know what to look for? Should I even try to look for it? Will it be a person? A revelation? An accident? An idea? What form does a portal into the formless take?

There is a sweet smell in the wind here on the farm the past few days. I can’t seem to find the source but it’s pungent and wafts through constantly. Deer have been surfacing too. I’ve only seen one during the day but at night I catch their eyes in the headlights and must have counted four or five last night alone.

SCHS Football



I could hear the crowd over at the high school from Nell’s yard so I knew I had to go watch the local football game tonight and it was great. Crazy to think this was dad’s field of glory. I was standing next to this old guy who was filming every play so we started talking and he seemed to know every stat of every player on the team. I went on to discover his grandsons both played on the team, number 9 and number 6, so his heart was in it to win it. He was telling me how, “That black fellow down yonder in the white shirt’s been working with my grandson’s since they was 4 and 5. Can you imagine a 5 year old passin’ the football? I mean passin! He’s a real good feller, real good coach too. Made those kids tough as nails, that’s what makes a goof ball player, you gotta be tough.”
They had the halftime show marching band and majorettes and everything and I guess this was mom’s glory field too because she was the head majorette back in her day. Everyone in town was there. I realized that for most people around here they grow up, live, and die right here in town and they’re happy as peaches about it, maybe. I could never be so content but I can appreciate that other people can. I’ve seen too much to think a life of isolation is a possibility for me, I’m more of a pause- and go, pause- and go, but I dig the people it works for. Small towns are a good slice of life. Everybody’s from the same place. Some people graduate high school and become policeman and some people graduate and become teachers, or bankers, or janitors, or farmers, or mechanics, or provosts or light salesmen, but they’re all cheering the same high school where they all came from on Friday nights. Single organisms greater than the sum of all its parts that account for a little bit of everything and use a little bit of everybody to be what they are.


I forgot my camera dadgumit, but here’s a list of details I kept:

The marching band covering ‘One Love’, flaming batons, rampant jailbait, hand written love notes on the back of kids hands, zits, coaches with lippers in, kid couples holding hands, older guys walking around trying to look cool and not cutting it, ball boys, pissed off dad’s, brother’s on the team, ma’s and pa’s, sideline politics, local advertising, band kids sweating like crazy, kids negotiating after game curfews, outmatched positions, pom-poms, sequins, missed field goals, stat boys, stressed out head cheerleaders, cub scouts lowering the American flag, sticking out because of my non-accent.

We won 12-0.

Friday, September 22, 2006


A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.

mastership



Uncle Lloyd passed this on to me and I pass it on to you with a smile. How well put. From complexity to simplicity, is this the nature of evolution underneath it all? Keep it simple, sift it down…


Matriculation – 2006 Graduate School of Arts and Sciences
Simple Gifts
Dean Jon Butler
August 31, 2006

Welcome to New Haven, welcome to Yale, and welcome to the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences.

What a wonderful day for all of us here together in this beautiful, stunning hall, courtesy of the generosity of Yale's fabulous School of Music.

How should we think of the ways you, and we, came to be here and of what Master's and Doctoral students will experience in the next two to six years?

We can learn much, I think, from a peculiar, even quirky source: a song or "dancing tune" of the 1840s entitled "Simple Gifts" that derived from Shakers, heirs of the British celibate religious movement whose founder, Ann Lee, arrived in America on the eve of the Revolution and whose successors are best known in secular culture for their beautiful and spare furniture.

The words of "Simple Gifts" are indeed simple enough—so American and yet universal, but, dare we say it, perhaps also unexpectedly revealing about graduate study, however odd that may seem.

'Tis the gift to be simple,
'tis the gift to be free;
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be.
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd
To turn, turn will be our delight,
'Till by turning, turning we come round right.

Of course, the tune to which the Shaker visionary set these words is equally famous, not only as a song and a hymn in some religious groups, but as the center theme of Aaron Copland's ballet, Appalachian Spring, which has come to be emblematic of America itself.

But what could a Shaker tune, composed so long ago and so far from a university, tell us about graduate study? Our surest guide to the history of the words and tune once was you. He is the historian Stephen Stein, a 1970 Yale Ph.D. and now Chancellor's Professor, Emeritus, at Indiana University, Bloomington. Stein began graduate study at Yale with the same mystery and anticipation as you likely experience today and then became one of the nation's foremost scholars, studying the great Puritan theologian Jonathan Edwards as well as the fascinating unfolding of religious dissent in America.

Stein's superb standard history, The Shaker Experience in America, published by Yale University Press in 1992, tells us how "Simple Gifts" and many other Shaker "dancing tunes" emerged in a period of revival in the 1840s. Visionaries believed they received the songs through inspiration. They drew words and music from secular culture, then reshaped them in a vortex of religious enthusiasm. Out of complex materials came simple and elegant statements of belief and commitment.

Complexity to simplicity. This is the hallmark of scholarly research and achievement. The unexpectedly subtle text of the Shaker song, "Simple Gifts," offers us interesting metaphors to help understand the graduate study on which you are embarked in both Masters and Doctoral programs alike.

We would not be so presumptuous, of course, to say that we have created here "the valley of love and delight." You will, I hope, discover the joys of New Haven as well as of Connecticut, and we especially hope our international students discover the joys of America. And indeed, no graduate dean, much less this one, could refrain from noticing that more than a few students have found partners and spouses within the temporal or spatial parameters of graduate school.

But here I think of two other wonderfully evocative allusions in this surprisingly rich Shaker dancing song. One is found in the chorus of "Simple Gifts":

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd
To turn, turn will be out delight,
'Till by turning, turning we come round right.

Unlike the broad undergraduate programs from which you come, your graduate programs will be intense and focused. You will take subjects and turn them inside out and outside in. You will shift them and move them and turn them upside down. You will see them for what they are and measure them by their absences as much as in their full, ungainly and even ugly and raw specificity. You will be buried in your research, and yes, on occasion you may feel that your research has buried you.

But in this turning, turning, you will see patterns—in mathematics, in chemistry, economics, in literature—patterns that will tell you that something is wrong with what we were assured was true, and that old orthodoxies have smothered. And within these patterned anomalies, you will both locate critical lacunae and create new and energizing intellectual problems.

Ultimately, creating intellectual problems is what we really do in the serious intellectual work that characterizes graduate education. We find difficulties only dimly perceived and perhaps not even recognized, yet that limit our understanding of our physical and human and conceptual worlds, and then we create informed questions whose solutions open up new problems and, in turn, new solutions and new gains.

In the solutions, we dissolve specificity into elegant theories and new generalizations, and the power of these new creations derives, literally, from their origin in the turmoil of complex observation, as well as from the elegance of new, clarifying insight. The Shaker visionary understood this well, as soon will you. It is only in the turning, turning that we have indeed come round right.

A second verse tells us something about the respect and the obeisance that we rightly and critically pay to the integrity of our means and methods in serious intellectual work and in graduate education. This is a modern meaning we can draw out of the third line in the opening stanza of "Simple Gifts":

'Tis the gift to be simple,
'tis the gift to be free;
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be.

Notice here the crucial importance of merely one word among twenty-three, the tiny word "ought."

If the third line in "Simple Gifts" had been written in the twentieth or twenty-first centuries, I suspect it might have read slightly differently: "'Tis the gift to come down where we WANT to be."

How intriguing that the Shaker visionary who "received" this text emphasized the idea, the imperative, of "ought." By design and by obligation, the research and scholarship you soon will launch respect method, as much as, and more than they respect results. Our findings in seminars, in research labs, in the solitude of literary or historical research, are not matters of will, of assertion, of pre-existing ideological or theological or emotional claims or of personal idiosyncrasies or whim. Rather, our findings are legitimated by the scrupulousness of our methods, whose care and honesty alone open up the world as it is and human beings as they are.

As scholars and researchers, we—like the Shaker visionary—want and indeed demand that we come down not merely where we want to be, but where we "ought to be." That is because our commitment is to truth. We do not serve ourselves. We do not serve ideologies. We do not serve parties. We do not serve politics. We serve our subjects and the intellectual processes that reveal our subjects. We are rightly humbled by our subjects, and we are rightly awed by the intellectual processes that reveal them. The reasons are simple: in the end, they are all we have.

This is why, in scholarly and research communities, "the gift to be simple"—the opportunity to draw generalization and insight from masses of information in subjects ranging from Shakespeare and economics to physics and microbiology—and "the gift to be free"—the ability to pursue topics as far as our research and inquisitiveness take us, irrespective of the orthodoxies we challenge—can never be anything less than "the gift to come down where we ought to be."

Lux et Veritas. Light and Truth. The Yale motto, like the verse of the Shaker dancing song, is not merely a slogan. For the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences, as a principal symbol of Yale's overriding commitment to research and scholarship, it expresses the object of our existence. And for Yale as a university, Lux et Veritas expresses the simple gift whose enlargement and protection is our highest passion, our only calling.

For several years now, the Graduate School Matriculation ceremony has closed with fabulous musical performances. Doing so demonstrates Yale's extraordinary breadth of activities and resources, physical and especially human. In the past two years, our musicians have been the superbly talented students of our School of Music. This morning our musicians—like Stephen Stein, our historian of the Shakers, again are you—in this case, graduate students who are studying here today in Molecular, Cellular, and Developmental Biology; Computer Science; Theology; Psychology; English; Geology and Geophysics; and French. In a university famous for undergraduate singing groups, they are the Graduate School's distinctive a capella singing group, The Citations. Listen to them. Imagine their journey in music from complexity to simplicity. Think on the transfer from linguistic analysis to musical expression. Contemplate the discipline of individual voices into a harmonic whole. Ask about the usefulness of a sense of humor, to say nothing of its pure pleasure, amidst the vagaries and, indeed, frustrations of scholarly research. Hear in them graduate community, the community we invite you to join, the community we invite you to make, the community to which we welcome you this morning. And, indeed, celebrate them and the gifts they bear, the gifts they have so joyously created.

We congratulate you.
We welcome you as scholars.
We are delighted you are here.

We hope this is the place where each of you will find your own simple gifts, the place that is just right.

Simple Gifts



I was walking in the labyrinth today and a beautiful butterfly accompanied me almost the entire way. There is a plane of space created above the rocks in the Labyrinth when you walk it that is like a field you enter and become a part of. From the outside it just looks like space, but from within the path there is a discernable vibration in the space that opens up like a pasture inside yourself if you let it. To be joined in there by a beautiful butterfly fresh from its cocoon is a gift I cannot measure.
 

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