Cole's High School (of fish)

There are these things, these reoccurring metaphors that really seem to be expressing the point. They come around for a few days at a time, sometimes more and sometimes less. Sometimes they relate to things that swelled up years ago or weeks ago or sometimes, sometimes, to times before I was born. Those are hard to detect of course, but they are detectable nonetheless. My skill at doing so is arbitrary, but I’m getting better. I’m getting better aren’t I?

I met a man named Bill Cornelius tonight and he told me that Jesus was going to come knock on my door. I told him I think he’s already come but he has the same knock as the Buddha and we got into a discussion. He assured me that Jesus said “I am the way, I am the light, I am the truth…” in the scriptures somewhere, and because of that it must mean he is the one, the only one and the only way. I assured him I have profound respect for Jesus, but what about them having the same knocks? It was interesting. I reminded him the I Ching and the Tao are all about the Way too. In fact the Tao translates as the Way, but overlap wasn’t really an option for him, and I guess he made a case for simplicity sake. He seemed very smart, and its true when you cut to the chase of it Jesus really was the man and through him you can attain enlightenment, or live as good as you want to surrender. He is indeed one of the few ways for certain to learn how to unconditionally love…
It was interesting because I talked a lot because I ramble like I do and he was reposed and kept to his point. I wasn’t really pressing him and I didn’t really disagree with anything he ways saying, it was just within a limited context. Hmm, I guess that’s what it is, the part people don’t see without the book, which is just the limited context of any given situation. That’s not too big of a problem though because we can know without knowing all the reasons why.
It was as if I’ve been exposed to too many paths, and the arbitrariness of two Only paths existing stumbles me, though I know it shouldn’t


Wisdom
1. Stare it in the face.
2. It comes out just a little bit at a time but its intense.

Been on the road till tomorrow
Been through the joy and the sorrow
Been through the mud, steered through the flood
But I still got a long way to go…

+

A Better Man
Sam Bush

Sitting here in my problems
What am I gonna do now?
Am I gonna make it
Some way some how?
Well maybe im not supposed to know
Maybe I’m supposed to cry
And if nobody ever knows the way I feel
That’ll be alright, that’ll be ok
Cause I’m gonna make this world a better place
I’m keep that smile on my face
I’m gonna teach my self how to understand
Gonna make myself a better man.

Lighting out my window
Climbing up the walls
Is anybody gonna save me
Are they gonna let me fall?
I don’t really want to know
I just hold on the best I can
And if I fall down ill just get back up
And it’ll be alright, it’ll be ok.

Cause I’m gonna make this world a better place
I’m keep that smile on my face
I’m gonna teach my self how to understand
Gonna make myself a better man.

+

These are the types of experiences I want to be having. What is it about that really good feeling?

THE IMAGE I HOLD IN MY MIND IS THE IMAGE THROUGH WHICH I ACT. THERE IS NO SUBJECT AND OBJECT SEPERATION. THIS WHOLE WORLD OF FORMS IS LESS THAN REAL. IF EVERYONE BELIEVED THAT THAT WOULD BE BELIEVABLE. IF THE GREEKS HADN’T forced forms then the west wouldn’t be away from the east. Duality is the mythos, the madness of it all. It all comes so nice and slow when its sweet…

It’s just over there, just over that summit, then it’s on your way down for another year. No not down, because you want to go up, so you just know that down is up and roll on with the metaphor.

Its raining and its moist and its great. People are good here, this is a good palace. 06 is a big year to be strong. Stay on the track. Love the way.

+

Crosseyed and Painless
Talking Heads
(cheese covered this last night, how appropriate)

Lost my shape, Tryin' to act casual!
Can't stop, I might end up in the hospital
Changin' my shape, I feel like an accident
They're back! To explain their experience

Isn't it weird, Looks too obscure to me
Wasting away, That was their policy

I'm ready to leave, I push the facts in front of me
Facts lost Ya, facts are never what they seem to be
There's nothing there! No information left of any kind
LLLifting my head L'L'Looking for danger signs

There was a line, There was a formula
Sharp as a knife, Facts cut a hole in us

I'm still waiting I..I..I'm still waiting
I'm still waiting I..I..I'm still waiting
I'm still waiting I..I..I'm still waiting
I'm still waiting I..I..I'm still waiting

The feeling returns, Whenever we close our eyes
Lifting my head looking around inside

The island of doubt, It's like the taste of medicine
Working by hindsight, Got the message from the oxygen
M'M'Making a list, Find the cost of opportunity
Doing it right, Facts are useful in emergencies

The feeling returns Whenever we close out eyes
Lifting my head Looking around inside.

Facts are simple and facts are straight
Facts are lazy and facts are late
Facts all come with points of view
Facts don't do what I want them to
Facts just twist the truth around
Facts are living turned inside out
Facts are getting the best of them
Facts are nothing on the face of things

I'm still waiting I..I..I'm still waiting
I'm still waiting I..I..I'm still waiting
I'm still waiting I..I..I'm still waiting
I'm still waiting I..I..I'm still waiting

this is important

One gets the feeling they should tell someone how weird it’s getting, but when you look around for someone to tell you you realize you’re probably the sanest one here actually...then you chop that notion down right quick because that’s just ignorant talk and you know that and your working through that, no need to beat yourself up about it. So what is it? It’s nothing, exactly, that’s what I thought, just wanted to make sure. I was unsure for a minute but then I remember I already knew it was stupid. But what about the time in Frisco? And what about during the…and under the moon in the Labyrinth?…at the home…that time at the clinic…at the show…the hotel room…when you drove to his grave…when he hugged you…when you felt the beat again and that deep warm bubbling sensation inside and you erupted with the bliss again and the Oz is ever floating and we keep going…we are going…Maybe other people should be coming to you to tell you how weird it’s getting. Oh shit, they’re coming…
The important thing is to never take any one moment too seriously. Meet the moment wherever it is- when it comes- with a smile on your face. Just laugh it off, use your mind’s eye and telescope out with a smile on your face. Use your mind’s eye and telescope in with a smile on your face. Keep a smile on your face and live life like you feel you should and do it with a smile on your face. Don’t get too attached to your Mind’s Eye either, you transcend that too.
What have I dreamed about lately? Hmm let me think. I had a few really bad dreams in Bama and woke up annoyed a few times. That’s no good. I think I’m just adjusting to the beginning of a new life phase, for everyone. It felt good to get that ego silliness out in dreams though now that I look back on it. Maybe this is how the process goes? The process? Haha… silly me I know I know…
…It’s amazing how everything fits together and rolls on like it does in those tubes of connections rolling and rolling on… A few things coming together at once influencing everything on different levels of waves… The Bandwidth Wave: the roots of the wave, the trunk of the wave, the branches of the wave, the leaves of the wave… the Spirit of the wave…Jimmy?... Jimmy?...bonedigger bonedigger run back down the alley way…
What is it to reinvent one’s self? What is it to recreate a foundation of the personality? What is it to transcend? Better yet, what is it like after one has transcended? Who are we talking about here? Did you mean what is it like for you or for me afterwards? How does the freshness register in the perceptions? Where do our Perceptions touch? Do they touch? Do they overlap? Whose been carving all this up with all this nonsense? Who commissioned this render? Whose renders what where?... actually I think I know the answer to that last question…
Then again, if these questions where answerable I should suppose there to be no difference between the actual experience and the description of it. Quite an assumption! Nonsense! This is the rub, the interface paradox I understand but can’t understand, or at least can’t find a way to describe it to myself. How much do I need to worry about this description part anyways? Who taught me to worry like this? Where is this coming from? What can I separate from mere description? Can I separate? Can you separate for me? Please?
Sometimes it seems to be diametrically opposed to the Present moment and I can’t be in the Present and be describing the Present at the same time because that splits it. From what I’ve gathered so far it’s more important to be in the Present than to describe the experience of being in the Present to your inner head, you follow? That would be taking the cause and effect analogy a little too far. It’s a hard line to see, I understand. The easy part that I think you might be missing though is that its not really a line, it’s more like a level, a leap, a gap you hop over and then turn around and see where you were. You’re still thinking A to B to C instead of out of D comes the perception of A to B to C (D of course representing the Pop charts at any given period of time when the particular sample is taken.) It’s spontaneous, it’s non-duality, it is the source of existence, it is creator, it is the creation, it is creating, it is you and I, it is now and it is always and eternal and never will be any more than it is- right now…
I can feel it sometimes when I read things from all over in a short span of time… it all coalesces and I get this nervous-like feeling in my stomach which I could surmount if I wasn’t always caught off guard by it every time. It just comes up you see, and when it does, well that’s the whole thing really, so it’s no use patternizing it to death. There is no separation between the object and the subject. It is the whole thing. It is good, it is Quality, it is a lot easier than you think.

does it work this way too?

Wisdom:
1. Wear soft clothes because girls really like to rub up against soft clothes.
2. How many times a day do you actually look at yourself in the mirror? I mean look right into your own eyes in the mirror?
3. The Afternoon depression sets in.
4. Your psychic girlfriend is real, believe it.
5. Start from the inside and work your way out.
6. Follow the guy in the red shirt.
7. Trust that feeling you get in the back of your neck.
8. Some people are late sometimes, but sometimes it’s because they really take their time.
9. Get healthy.
10. Be Out-front with It.
11. Come to meet everything that you know.
12. If you’re bored, either clean up your room or Create something.
13. Go! Go Johnny Go!
14. That’s what I used to do. That’s what I’m used to doing.

No Compassion
Talking Heads

In a world
where people have problems
In this world
where decisions are a way of life
Other people's problems they overwhelm my mind
They say compassion is a virtue, but I don't have the time

So many people...have their problems
I'm not interested...in their problems
I guess I've...experienced some problems
But now I've...made some decisions
Takes a lot of time to push away the nonsense
Take my compassion...Push it as far as it goes
My interest level's dropping, my interest level is dropping
I've heard all I want to, I don't want to hear any more

What are you, in love with your problems?
I think you take it...a little too far
It's...not so cool to have so many problems
But don't expect me to explain your indecisions
Go...talk to your analyst, isn't that what they're paid for
You walk, you talk...You still function like you used to
It's not a question...Of your personality or style
Be a little more selfish, it might do you some good

In a world where people have problems
In this world where decisions are a way of life
Other people's problems, they overwhelm my mind
They say compassion is a virtue, but I don't have the time
(Here we go again)

you've got to understand

Soulfood Man
Mike Gordon

He's a big Southern guy with a funny smile
And he always seems to know
By looking right in your eye
Where you've come from and where you're going to go

He could race a car, play a guitar,
Or do the voice for a cartoon show
And you can see him on the silver screen
Or standing up, telling a joke about a ball moving slow

But he isn't gonna go to the show
Until he's got a bucket of soulfood food to go
You've got to understand: he's a soulfood man

Well he had figured it out, all about
How to play his guitar so slow
That he could play 'till the end of time
And all you would here him play is one note

But he better not start, 'cause he knows in is his heart
That the sound of the note would grow
And the people would block their ears
And glasses would crack, and the soulfood shack would explode

And there wouldn't be rice and beans
And Sonny couldn't bring on the bowl full of collard greens
You've got to understand: he's a soulfood man

the christmas spirit

by Allison Krauss

As I went down to the river to pray
Studying about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the starry crown?
Good Lord show me the way!

O sisters let's go down
Lets go down, Come on down
O sisters lets go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol’ way
And who shall wear the robe & crown
Good Lord show me the way!

O brothers lets go down
Let's go down, Come on down
O brothers lets go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol’ way
And who shall wear the star and crown?
Good lord show me the way!

O fathers lets go down
Let's go down, Come on down
O fathers lets go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol’ way
And who shall wear the robe and crown?
Good Lord show me the way!

O mothers lets go down
Come on down, don't you wanna go down?
O Mothers lets go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol' way
And who shall wear the star and crown?
Good Lord show me the way!

O sinners lets go down
Lets go down, come on down
O sinners lets go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol’ way
And who shall wear the thorny crown?
Good Lord show me the way!

The Most Interesting Thing on the Floor Game/Oracle

Wednesday, December 7 (Moon in Aquarius to Pisces 12:45 a.m.) Focus will be on where you live and a decision relating to your martial status. Decide on the direction of your life. A Capricorn and a Cancer will play outstanding roles and could have these letters in their names: B, K, T. At the track, choose the number 2 position in the second race.

So after the show Travis and I are mulling around and he gets on the phone, so I decide to play a game with myself called “let’s find the most interesting thing on the floor.” I would be lying if I said there didn’t appear to be anything very interesting or out of the ordinary. Cups of course, lots of those thin cocktail straws bent and discarded, wet spots, a few cigarette butts, and then I saw someone’s ticket they had printed off at home on a folded up piece of paper. There was a glow stick too but I’ve seen those before, and since the paper was the only thing with writing on it, which I thought might reveal some deeper, interesting ‘thing,’ it won the most interesting contest.
I went back to check on Travis and his phone call, started to try to tell him about the game I’d been playing for the last few moments, but decided it wouldn’t come out right, and I knew that, and that’s ok, I still had fun. But then on our way up the stairs I saw a plane ticket stub on the ground and in an instant I decided that was the new most interesting thing on the floor and so I picked it up.
“Travis, what city do you think this plane ticket is to or from?”
“What? Umm, ok, New Mexico?”
I looked down at the stub now for the first time. “Salt Lake City to San Francisco. Hmmm.”
I tried to think if there was something interesting about that, at all. The first thing I thought was interesting was that the ticket didn’t explain how it got to LA, there’s a story for ya. And then I realized it did actually relate to something, kind of, was I making this up? Am I making this up? I kept wondering as we walked out and realized that I’ve been trying to decide what to do for New Years for one, and what to do about getting a job after New Years for two. My prospects so far, and the two options that are available and seem solid are to go see String Cheese in San Francisco for New Years and then go to the Deer Valley in Utah with Haadman and totally try something new. I do so well when I get to start off fresh, and if I get to do it with someone, especially someone who I know and who knows me as well as James, then that just makes it even cooler.

(I have the ticket stub too if anyone’s really care’s that much.)

The Attitude

“To be able to preserve joyousness of heart and yet to be concerned in thought: in this way we can determine good fortune and misfortune on earth, and bring to perfection everything on earth.” – the I Ching

It has recently come to my attention that strange wonders are afoot. Lofty transitions of the strangest and deepest and most integral kind. Sparkling moments that mean nothing at all, and yet everything, because you saw that tiny little meaningless thing I thought was so meaningless nobody else would even bother to single it out in their conscious experience for even a moment, too. You saw it too. Tiny things, tiny absurdly arbitrary incredibly mystical dual moments of experience, in a single moment, or an infinite moment, I haven’t quite figured that out yet, but it delights me to know the jury is still out. Wondering gets me through bumper to bumper traffic better than anything else i've found (I’ve learned to avoid traffic altogether when at all possible, but I don’t get upset when I find myself waiting.)
So what is one to do when they refuse to ignore all these strange karmic comeuppances? How do I refuse to be systematically forgetful and addicted to comfortable thought patterns? Is there a rehab for these sorts of things? Can you send an entire city to a place where they can change individually and collectively, all for the better of course, at once? I mean everybody in their own time coming together at once, to form once once, for a moment that has lasting impressions? Impressions for the better? But that brings to mind, what is the better? How can we change? And farther yet if we do change, how can we be sure we are changing for the better? Changing towards something more ideal? How do I know there is an ideal to stretch for in the first place? What about all those people that argue religion is a type or neurosis? "Opium of the masses" types?
These are all great questions, and I’ve been there, and a part of my mind has tried to paralyze myself from thinking through these things, through all the way to the end and then living my life adjusted to their implications, based on what I determine to the best of my capability to be the Good? Not a rash adjustment, a well thought out, planned for a lifetime, solid shift towards the “good.” You can waste a lot of time asking yourself “how can I know for sure?” but if you really take the time to sift through all that bullshit excess rationalism and ask yourself to tell yourself, without words, “how do I know what the good is?” I can almost promise you you know. Only a few of you are probably gifted enough to explain to yourself with words what it means to know and what it feels like to know, but everyone by nature of their divine nature, can feel what it feels like to know there’s something bigger going on here. There is most definitely something weird going on here. I don’t know how you know, and I could speculate with you if you wanted me to, but I know you know. Hell, we could sit down and think up some fantastic stories about fantastic things that no one will ever know “for sure”, (except that they already know) and I can become intoxicated with joy and bliss and laughter living in the creation of those beautiful stories. That is enough for me because it is a miracle that I can do it at all. Whether or not I’m going to be snooty about my definition of a miracle or not is up to me, and that is the neurosis part of religion. Still, whatever colors and situations and characters I use to tell the story about the Truth, the truth it never changes. The Truth is a holographic whole we are all looking at from different angles, but the whole is whole, and underneath it all none of us are separated in any way from the whole, but the dream continues. Maya works its sweet and sour magic and my ignorant ego continues to sand itself either into a sword or a beautifully smooth round rock. Which do you think is better? Whether a person realizes that everything they think they know they already knew before they thought they knew it or not, they know.
So my advice is go ahead with the “how do I know for sure?” discourse for a while. Float around that thought stream and take that approach towards finding the good until it nearly runs you into the ground with frustration, until life gives you not one but a few swift kicks in the nuts, and you’re almost about to give up on the whole things, and one more straw is going to break your back- and then you get it. Just before you crash into the ground you laugh at yourself and you remember that you know and you knew all along all this whole uncomfortable situation is part of the illusion and theirs is a customized lesson we’re all supposed to learn from our own plots in this one yard. You even know, to a certain degree, why you think you don’t know the things you really do know. The important thing to remember is to never take yourself too seriously. But you also need to be sure you don’t obliterate your ability to know how aware you are of the things you know, the important things you know, the eternal, blessed, spiritual “knowing” you’ve brushed up against during those special times in your life. You have to know what the good is and you have to know where you are on your approach to the good so you can know how far you’ve come and how far you’ve got to go. When shit gets tough, perserverance furthers.
How can “it” be so personal and so universal at the same time? How can “it” be talking to all of us at once but in all our own little personal languages? Our own infinitely unique snowflake pattern?
I don’t know- but it does. THINK ABOUT THAT!

come as melody

so i went to see trey tonite at the wiltern, and the drummer from the police whose names escapes me, came out and did some rock rock with trey. they played "rubberneck lions" from their Oysterhead collaboration and then the police tune "Can't stand losin'. more to come on all of this but it was really great. it really is a good thin phish ended, nothings is gone, its just invisible.

to the tune of rockstar rock madness-

Rubberneck lions as I lie bed
Double barrel under the pillow under my head
Ya dont wake a man when he's trying to dead
Cause of the rubberneck lions as I lie in bed.

Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
I bought a cactus from a miser named Fred
I choose to live on water and bread
Cause of the rubberneck lions as i lie in bed.

Well I'm cold and I'm lonely but I'll come around
Black clouds hanging over shady ground
Full moom risin' up above my head.

Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed,
I never listen to a word you said
Never mess with a man when he's trying to be dead,
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed

Well I'm old and I'm homely but would you come around?
Ears to deaf to hear a sound
Aaron looked to Moses for his daily bread,

Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Three strips of bacon on my toasted head,
Two over easy on a roll and I'm fed.
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed

Rubberneck lions as I lie bed
Double barrel under the pillow under my head
Ya dont wake a man when he's trying to dead
Cause of the rubberneck lions as I lie in bed.

Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions as I lie in bed
Rubberneck lions

all fall down

Interviewer to Keller Williams: Why do you rock so hard?
Keller Williams: ITS THE ENERGY FROM WITHIN


There it is, coming up from the west, from the east from the sour sour southhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

milestones

I wrote this in Georgia...

High on a mountain
Thinking about when times were low
All you here beside me
I feel the mountain glow
Your hearts reflect the stars
Your minds connect the roots
I’ll be comin’ down the mountain,
I’ll be comin’ down real soon.

Festival Research Summer Spectacular!

So I have finally taken in my computer to get the sound fixed. I knew it was going to take a trip in the mail somewhere and since I was never around any one apple store for long enough to send it off I have lived, without sound. But that’s all going to change now. This, you might be wondering, is my mother’s computer.
It’s rather nice to write on other people computer’s. A keypad and hard drive you’ve never used before because you had your own computer, of course. You waited so long to get your own computer, and then you did, and that was two years ago now, and you got so caught up in your own computer that you forgot all these other people have all these other computers; other operating systems, other ways of arranging the icons, other pictures to choose for wallpaper and other ways of shutting down. Now I'm not saying its bad to have your computer, in most cases its essential. All I'm saying is don't forgot to at least notice the other ways people are doin’ it these days. Maybe even notice humbly... but that wasn't the point now that I think about it.
The real reason it's neat is because, as a writer, there is nothing from the past hanging around on you desktop just a few clicks away. In the past – present – future bit, writing on a new computer that you don’t plan to write on or keep any of your files on for long takes away the static of the past and forces one to focus souly on the present and future.
Creative powers at work here, train on a track moving.

(The less I say about it the better it’s going to be for you when you get for yourself for the first time.)


Constraserve – to create actions with one’s feelings; to serve ones thought as a guideline; to extract personal meaning from.
Con-with
Stra- poet, soul
Serve-loyal, to do, action
*To make actions according to one’s truest intuitions*

Wise man say:
Something weird’s going on here.
“The power is out, third Saturday in a row.”
Very Superstitious, writing’s on the wall
(Pack from the bottom of the bag)
And take three breaths before you do anything.

Cole Suttle is the literal self.
See Subtle is the figurative self.
Soul Cuttle is my Smooth Jazz Dj name.

*

Bad
U2

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
I would surrender
Dislocate

Into the night
And through the rain
If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
And to the day
To let it go
And so to fade away

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping
Oh, no, no, no

If you should ask then maybe they'd
Tell you what I would say
True colors fly in blue and black
Bruised silken sky and burning flag
Colors crash, collide in blood shot eyes
If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go...

This revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation
Let it go
And so fade away
To let it go
And so fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping
Oh, no, no, no