The dogs always bark all night when the moon is full. The fields to the right of the drive and all around the lake have all been baled. When you walk through them tonight bathed in all this moonlight it feels surreal. You can’t tell if you’re just waking up or just going to sleep. You can’t tell if its too dark to see or too bright to squint. Magical, it feels terrific.
Jim’s been here for a few days now, things are getting done. I moved back over to Nell’s so Jim can have the back room because it just makes sense to do it that way. We have the space at Nell’s and he’s looking to stay here for longer than I am. It’s been a great little run. Yeah, I guess it’s been a run. The Cole and Grandma Post-Pop Farm Tour of ’06. It was a spectacular run, filled with a bit of everything. I sure do love Grandma and am lucky to have her. Especially to have her as sharp as she is. Mollie’s mother is in town and even she noted how sharp Grandma is. Super Grandma, for sure.
Not that it’s really over, but it won’t be the same with me over at Nell’s. I’ll have to drive over to cook breakfast in the mornings, and I’ll have to pick a time to say goodnight when I head back home, and that’s all right, it just means I’m allowed to start appreciating the blessed sequence as a whole.
I paused right there to see what I should write next and this warm bubbling sensation of graciousness started to come up into my chest and into my throat and into my head and then it just flows out.
There is a certain mode of consciousness a person is in when the person is in the midst of the thing they are thinking about. If a person is a football player they are thinking about playing football six days a week and they are actually playing football one day a week. The mode of conscious you are in when you are actively playing is a unique type of mode of consciousness. A game day mentality is the result of all the thoughts and energy put towards preparing for it for the last six days. The mode of consciousness a football player is in when he is preparing for the game during the week is different than the mode the player is in during the game. The point of all this is just to show through a simple example an aspect of how the actual nature of the mind works; to illustrate a descriptive trait of how the mind actually functions. It’s an objective reference to the subjective state all of us, you and I both, can learn to enter in subjectively. If we can do this the need for objective definitions of truth will be lightened because these truths become self-evident. They are not facts, they are observations of what It is, or appears to be. This example shows just two different types of conscious modes a single person shifts between in their being. A single self, a single point of equilibrium.
In life, when death occurs, or trauma, or transcendental experiences, there is another particular mode of conscious that kicks in analogous to that game day mode. When I say I can look at the run as a whole now, it just means that I don’t feel as if I’m in the same instinctually reeling mindset I have been since I arrived three days after Pop entered the hospital in May. That’s a good little chunk of life right there.
Once you actually start to notice yourself, it’s hard to take yourself too seriously.
Keller Williams is playing in Mobile at midnight tomorrow. MaryBeth and I are going down to meet Becky for the show. MaryBeth asked me to explain what “heady” meant and I’ve been having a tough time. It’s like “gamey,” in the sense that it’s hard to describe, but once you’ve had it, you’ll never forget it. I told her if she went to the Keller show she’d get a taste of something “heady”, a whole scene of heady people actually, and then she could know forever.
Oh and Becky, and everyone else I guess, Jim told me what the scat is because we saw some more. Turns out, it’s not scat- it’s earthworms.
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